Every kid wants to have the toughest, coolest, best parents, right? It starts in their youngest years and it never goes away. It’s internalized as they become adults, but it is still there.
If we do something that shakes up this idea of what we are supposed to be in their eyes, it can put a wedge between us. They expect certain things from us that may not always be a reality. We are held to a different, higher, standard by our adult children, we are placed up on a shaky pedestal. Instead, we are just like them. We make mistakes, just like they do. Sometimes we fail, just like they do. We bleed if we are cut, just like they do. This realization, along with the myriad of emotions it can invoke, can produce a huge wedge that can be very hard to remove. It is not really ours to remove. It’s the adult child’s maturity level that will allow them to remove the wedge, or not.
Your adult child’s significant other, whether it is a boyfriend, girlfriend, sister, step siblings, or whatever, they can, and often do, play upon these feelings your child is experiencing. The results usually make things worse.
Sometimes adult children would rather walk out of our lives forever, rather than confront the problem. This is again, in relation to the maturity level they are at in life. They don’t have to deal with anything they don’t want to anymore. Or they’ve been convinced their feelings are correct (refer to above paragraph of others playing on feelings) and should be stood up for. This creates what is called a grudge. A grudge can go on for years.
What do you do if there’s a rift between your adult son and yourself? Rifts don’t resolve themselves as easily as they did when they were a child. They don’t have to come home, to your home, anymore. A place where the rift was talked over, or let go of.
Your son may have his own place now, he may live far away, he may not often call. He doesn’t have to call you. He doesn’t have to stop by to see you. He doesn’t have to have anything to do with you anymore, he’s an adult. These facts can make it difficult to get past a problem between you and him.
Irregardless of your feelings, or what you want, you are at their mercy. Remain steadfast and true, it’s all you can do.
This poem is written for those sons that are having a difficult time finding the maturity for forgiving and/or forgetting. Believe me when I say you DO NOT want to carry your grudge until one day someone calls to say, “Your parent has passed away.”
You Are My Son
The day I born you, we forged a bond;
It cannot be broken, it cannot be pawned.
A bond between two, me and you.
There is no doubt, it is within me and within you;
I saw it the day I born you;
You are a part of me, and I am a part of you.
Whatever you have said, whatever I have done, the fact remains,
You are my son.
I have made mistakes, I know this is true;
but my heart was always diligent to you.
Think about it my son;
can we make this be undone?
You have held fast, to a wrong, its been so long;
but nothing, oh nothing, can break this bond.
So many years we have lost;
They are gone forever, at who’s cost?
My years are becoming few, you know this is true;
Will I ever be able to fulfill the quest that you pursue?
Forgiveness doesn’t come easy, I know this is true;
I’ve worked very hard to find forgiveness for you.
Look inside your heart, and dare to find, true forgiveness for me too.
Make it a forgiveness deep and true, a forgiveness for me, a forgiveness for you!
I look forward to the day this is done;
because forever, and ever, you are my son.
Originally posted 2019-01-17 21:14:02.